This is the first time I have ever spoke about things like this. Thank you for allowing me to share something so deep.

Your genuine story is a gift to this board.

Thank You, and Welcome.

I remember sexual thoughts, and curiosity being strong when I was a kid. I was in foster homes, and mom was gone and dad visited every few weeks.

I was surrounded by boys, 6 others, and a boy as well. I often projected my curiosity onto foster-sisters that came and went, but never got as far as you did with the card game.

Later, when my mom came back into my life, she brought many new sisters with her (new family), and I loved to play tag and wrestle and rub up against them. I fell in love with the oldest one.

Guyre

What was that special way you wanted your parents to love you, if you are willing to tell, I'm curious to hear.

I never had any sort of discipline but I never did anything I wasn't suppose to. I knew there would be no one there to make it all better. I was very shy and quiet.

I like thinking about getting baths and sleeping with mother and father in their bed. It also arouses me but it gives me a sense of closeness and being loved.

Isn't that what most of us want anyway?

It's a certain type of intimacy that I can't really explain actually.

I understand your childhood hunger for touch that has gone unmet.

Touch is a nourishing exercise, that feeds and matures the growing body, heart, and brain. It is well documented that animals that are deprived of nurturing touch become more anxious and isolated.

I see the sensual side of your longing for parental touch, and it is natural and beautiful. A loving person touching you is a sensual experience. It might even cause arousal.

I notice you used the work "sexual", and that relates literal to acts indended to lead to or to complete intercourse. Is that what you meant by your "sexual" longing ? Or did you really mean sensual ?

I imagine a very sensual massage, or carress of a mother or father that is not indended to lead to sex, yet wakes me up in my body, and makes me feel physically and emotionally alive and excited. I need not be sexual, to be arousing.....

I hope you find that intimacy, in a good way.

I want to tell you I hesitated to post anything in here at first but, I am glad I did. This forum has allowed me to talk about things I don't know if I would have ever talked about with someone face to face.

I appreciate all of you thank you very much for your replies to my post.

I often feel outside looking in at people around me and sometimes certain things remind me that I am not alone.